I’ve never quite understood nor tolerated what I assumed to be dishonesty or lies.
It frustrated me to no end. Why couldn’t my friends be truthful to me? Why do they contradict themselves constantly? How did they go from being adamant about their views to switching to the other side as though they weren’t just insisting on the opposing views the last time we met?
Today, I finally realized that perhaps it wasn’t dishonesty nor lies. Perhaps they were simply trying to convince themselves of their decision.
Just like I did.
Before I decided to go back to full time employment, I constantly came up with justifications on why freelancing was working out well for me.
Yes it didn’t pay as well but money isn’t everything
I have enough to get by;
I don’t have to get out of my pyjamas all day;
I don’t have to deal with peak hour crowds;
I manage my own schedule;
I spend more time with LF;
I have the flexibility to pursue my interests;
I am happier in general;
I sleep so much better;
I am enjoying and utilizing my home which I paid so much for (so much being subjective). Look at all those beautiful houses that are empty most of them time because the people who bought them were busy working to pay off their mortgages.
Yada yada yada.
But once I made the decision to head back into the corporate world just two weeks ago, I found myself coming up with new justifications which contradicted my earlier justifications for freelancing. Because I was trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing for myself and that it was what I wanted.
I can’t tell which made more sense nor which is better but justifying my decision gave me some semblance of control. Like I knew what I was doing with my life.
So I’m sorry to all whom I assumed had lied and were dishonest with themselves and/or me. Like me, you were possibly also struggling to make sense of your decision and your life.